In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and the

world is at peace

This miracle God gave to me

gives me strength when I am weak

I find reason to believe

In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand

around my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart

has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light

It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy

she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

It hasn't been until lately that this song has taken on a new meaning in my life. When I first heard it a few years ago I thought it was a beautiful song and had a nice message. Now looking at my daughter who will be celebrating her first birthday in a little over a week, it's taken on a whole new meaning.

I never have thought I was pretty or beautiful, I've always been overweight and so never thought I measured up in the looks department. The other day after Beccca's bath I was holding her up to the mirror and it was her beautiful face and mine, I realized how much she is starting to look like me and I realized at that moment, if she is beautiful, then I too must be beautiful.

Last year when I had Rebecca I remember how I kept saying "I love you" to her in the hospital. Here is the bad mommy moment - I really didn't, I thought if I kept saying it over and over then maybe that "to die for love" that I had with Benjamin would kick in and I would have that over powering feeling again. It honestly wasn't until she was about 2 or 3 months old that I finally felt that. I remember the guilt and how I was ashamed to admit that to anyone. But around that 2 or 3 month mark she wiggled her way into my heart with those beautiful blue eyes, joyous laugh and with the help of the Lord, making me realize that He gave me this daughter to learn things about myself. He didn't give me the wrong child, he gave me the child I needed to learn the most about myself.

When I see her strong will in action or her fierce determination or the way she cuddles into her father, I see glimpses of myself, some things I don't always like (fighting until she gets her way - do I do that? hmmmmm..... Unfortunately yes). But at those moments it is when I pray for the Lord's refinement in my life to get rid of those things.

She is going to learn to be a woman from me, what kind of woman will she be? It's the woman that she sees through her eyes and that causes me to keep looking into those eyes to find the woman that I am so that I can refine those things that will help her be the best she can.

My prayer is that just like the last part of the song "When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me For I'll be there In my daughter's eyes", she will see how much I loved her and how happy she has made me - joy, love, pride and most of all a contentment are all things she has brought into my life.